I'm alive. And I'm good. I guess.
Maybe I'm hitting a weird point. But I've been feeling a little bitter. Bitter about the fact that while my friends were getting married, pregnant, new jobs, and degrees, I was trying to figure out why I couldn't breathe.
Only to find out it was cancer.
Maybe I'm frustrated. Maybe I'm hurting because I still feel like there's a long road ahead despite the cancer being gone, and the lung being out.
I'm just tired of always having to fight for everything and never getting anything.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Last day kids
Maybe it's weird that I'm not afraid of the cancer? I don't know. I just think that the cancer part is something I can tangibly accept. I can understand that I have cancer, and that there is a way to treat it. I can't say the same for this surgery. There are too many unknowns. Maybe that's what scares me. I'm a silly thing.
My boys tell me I'll be fine. That I'll do great. And I love them dearly. But my gods it reminds me how little time we actually have.
Make every moment count people. Tell the person you love that you love them. Never be afraid to be nice, kind, helpful. I know how easy it is to let that fall by the wayside. You're scared to tell people how you feel. You are afraid of their reaction. You take people for granted, but you don't mean to. No one really does. Don't let fear run your life. Take those big risks, because if nothing else... you LEARN from them. and honestly... LEARN. FROM. THEM. Always listen to music. Let yourself feel silly every once in awhile. Dance. Like a maniac. Sing like you're a rockstar. And love. My gods love. Spread your love. Just... love!
Don't get me wrong guys... I don't *think* I'm going to die. No more than I think a plane is actually going to crash while I'm on it. That doesn't stop me from being a panicky terror every time I get on a damn plane.
Guys...I've got 20 hours before I have to be at the hospital for a life altering surgery. I'm really scared. I really...I don't even know.
What I do know is this. I love my husband. I love my boys (Dedrick, Jake, Peter). I love my best friends (Natalie, Shayla, Bekah). I love my family. I love my cats. And chances are if you're reading this... I probably love you too. I have all this love to give... and that won't change after my surgery. I will actually probably love MORE after my surgery. My point is that if I have all this love to give, what are you waiting for?
See you soon <3
My boys tell me I'll be fine. That I'll do great. And I love them dearly. But my gods it reminds me how little time we actually have.
Make every moment count people. Tell the person you love that you love them. Never be afraid to be nice, kind, helpful. I know how easy it is to let that fall by the wayside. You're scared to tell people how you feel. You are afraid of their reaction. You take people for granted, but you don't mean to. No one really does. Don't let fear run your life. Take those big risks, because if nothing else... you LEARN from them. and honestly... LEARN. FROM. THEM. Always listen to music. Let yourself feel silly every once in awhile. Dance. Like a maniac. Sing like you're a rockstar. And love. My gods love. Spread your love. Just... love!
Don't get me wrong guys... I don't *think* I'm going to die. No more than I think a plane is actually going to crash while I'm on it. That doesn't stop me from being a panicky terror every time I get on a damn plane.
Guys...I've got 20 hours before I have to be at the hospital for a life altering surgery. I'm really scared. I really...I don't even know.
What I do know is this. I love my husband. I love my boys (Dedrick, Jake, Peter). I love my best friends (Natalie, Shayla, Bekah). I love my family. I love my cats. And chances are if you're reading this... I probably love you too. I have all this love to give... and that won't change after my surgery. I will actually probably love MORE after my surgery. My point is that if I have all this love to give, what are you waiting for?
See you soon <3
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